Offensive Foods List Part 1

Per Elle's suggestion, here's list #1 of offensive foods to moi:

1) Dried fruit - I don't LOVE any dried fruit - but I particularly hate raisins, dates, apricots, and TRULY despite golden raisins. They look like boogers. They do. The apricots have outsides that feel and taste like skin. And gooshy gross insides. Ick.

2) Shrimp - I know 99% of the population ADORES shrimp. Can't live without it. Whatever. You guys are all weirdos. It has a weird texture. And you have to de-vein it (which really means removing its nerve cord) and pull its legs off. Gross and grosser.

3) Beets - I actually don't really know what a beet tastes like, but my refusal to take more than a microscopic bite when I was 10 years old resulting in me sitting at the kitchen table until bedtime, and then returning to the breakfast table in the morning to find my dad had put the beet on a paper plate and put a glass on top, and labeled it "Beet Under Glass." Quite the wit.

4) Oysters - really, do I have to explain? When a food and a bodily discharge's nickname are the same, why would one eat it? You wouldn't eat something called "turds" or "earwax" would you?

5) Orange flavoring in EVERYTHING - this is more a method problem than an actual offensive food. The chefs these days don't think a recipe is FAB enough without some sort of citrus juice or zest. Well, I'm here to tell you folks, if God intended oranges and chocolate to be together, oranges would come out of a cow's teat. That's just how it is folks, live with it. Oranges + chocolate = ass nasty.

More later, I'm sure...